Lacks of Motivation..Lacks of Discipline...

Good morning, I am now in office opening my blog to start up my days. Today is 20th January 2014, and after 20th day then only I open my blog and start with my updates. I remember the time when it's going to New Year countdown, I tell myself I want to read more, listen more and write more..and it's yet to be done. I love to write, I write whatever comes through my mind. Some people may not feel interesting to read my blog I believe one day 'ones will do' and that would be only son. Oh gosh..how can I continue with my write up when my arms start to tingling. My cervical slipped discs attacking again triggered by daily activities like carrying baby and his stuff everyday. What can I ... I am all alone and I have no choice but to do it for my baby. Today is the 1st day of the week. As usual, MONDAY is never been a good day for me. I dont know why, but I have this feeling ever since I was in Secondary School. Those are the times when I have to get up extremely early every morning and wait for my school bus to pick me up at home at 5.05am. I was the 1st person to be picked my in morning and I was the last person to be sent home in the afternoon...what a complete cycle huh. I dont know how can I survive. Thanks to GOD! So many things comes to my mind..all memories seems become like a black and white movie. I hate to mention his name, but to be honest I still look at his daily activities via FB (I access his FB because Im the one who created it), I access his instagram photos update, i stalked him via whats app...I see him there doing his stuff...and I cry. None of his activities connected to me. it's all about himself and our son. I dont exists in his life. Im not someone he loved. Im just a puppet to be used to get money and whatever he can to survive here. Kicking a ball in the field doesnt make any money...doesnt make any income. Not even for himself. May Allah punish him for taking my money. Amin. Ok, it's almost 9 and my left arm start to paining. I think I should start my work...and stop typing. Have a blessed and wonderful day. Amen.